My light is Dim

The light at the end of the tunnel seems to distant to even try to reach.

I ignore the cries within myself, but lend a hand to those in need

I suffocate when i try to breathe

this emptiness consumes me

My beauty decays and my laughter subsides 

while the devastation in my heart resides

Emotion that must rise from within and finally be released

has me trembling at the mere thought of being weak

Why do i allow myself to pity and wallow in my sorrow? 

Why do i feel so hurt knowing it can only get better? 

Days, weeks, and months have past 

i feel my breaking point approaching for the first time

Finally going to stop this continuous ache

Finally come to terms with this heartbreak.

Free falls the hope i had for any reconciliation between you and i. 

That dream is gone, crushed and shattered,

no longer a thought in my mind. 

Bring on the tears,bring on this pain

I'm ready to face this dismay

My Kleenex gathers the tears,my last reminder of you

slow and steady, fast and heavy

whatever will get me through

Wandering lost in this tunnel, following the light. 

I must continue to have faith 

that everything will turn out alright.

The birth of a Mother

Pure. Immaculate. Impeccable. 

 A miracle has just taken place.

Beauty in its rarest form.

Your eyes meet and all is forgotten. The touch of their soft, delicate hand sends a tear down your cheek.

Skin that resembles porcelain. The reassurance they give you as your finger fits securely in their hand. Your my mother and I'll love you forever. A creation of you has never looked so beautiful. Welcome to this world my darling child. Never in this life have i felt more alive. The capacity of my heart has now increased immensely. Love has a brand new definition, a definition i discovered in a matter of seconds. You squint your eyes to view your surroundings although your vision is still becoming clear. My voice lets you know your safe in my arms, a touch both of us have been waiting to feel for several months. My heartbeat is familiar to you, a comforting melody that helps you sleep. The pain was worth every amount of joy I'm feeling on this day. Your tiny feet fit in my palms, and from head to toe your the length of my forearm. Never again will you be this little. Our bond was obvious in the first few hours of your birth. Your cry broke my heart in ways I've never experienced before. So helpless. Dependent on me, a responsibility that has never been so rewarding. A blessing, this day, this newborn baby, this newborn mother.

True Colors

 The person you once showed your sincerity to,now a stranger to your sympathy. Eventually one learns to adapt. Your world once so warm and inviting, now so empty and jagged.  How must one cope with the changes of a soul they thought they knew? a heart they once held so dearly, but over time let go of so easily? Every smile, every stare, every single component that makes a person an individual, evaporates. In its place a stranger. A being with new components one hasn't been exposed to. A soul that has been altered for whatever reason now has new meaning to the world, to the people in it, and to life in general. 

Deceit.

Spite.

Malison.

The makings of the soul one is often asked to accept. Originating from a ghastly break-up. Arrogance leaves you blind, and boastfulness leaves you unwilling to open your eyes.  Fiction is how you are living, pretending everything is up to par. Reality has you turning your head and avoiding any amount of truth.The truth that now were two people we never really knew, two people who jumped into life before we really lived. Two people who wanted something different but were to afraid of change.

Truce is agreed upon and progress begins, to better one another with the beauty of friendship.

Ticking Time Bomb

I ache for a want that i feel i need. A want that leaves me empty.  A want that wants nothing in return. A want with a story that can't be told.  A want with an obstacle its not ready to overcome.
So, here i am still needing this want and wanting this need. The need that promised me nothing in the beginning but now i want to promise me everything. This need i am territorial over, this need i won't let go of.  A need that gives me a whole slew of emotions i am not even able to sort out. Content and blissful. Bitter and confused. Emotions so real, emotions so fake. Highs and lows day to day, this whirlwind has to come to an end.
An ultimatum that will make a definite decision. A decision i know i wont be okay with. The want came into it wanting nothing and will leave needing nothing. The want stayed emotionless, not thinking too much into the situation. A smart move i probably should have played. Sitting on this cloud of hope, hoping for the best. Waiting for those hopes to turn into fears. Fears that will make me feel more alone than i do at this exact moment. Inevitably i will sit here and watch it all unwind.Waiting till its to late to escape and I'm left with a gaping hole in my heart. Still wanting the need. The need that needs no one and wants nothing.The time bomb is ticking louder and louder..

Tick.. Tick.. Tick..